Survival

In the months leading up to my husband's deployment, my biggest concern was the boys. My boys love their daddy. They relish every second spent in his presence, and when they're apart, they talk about him non-stop. How would they survive his absence without their hearts breaking into a million pieces? And how would I survive witnessing their heartbreak?

I know we're only 5 weeks in, but I'd say the boys have made a fairly smooth transition into deployment life. (And yes, I realize that by publishing these words, I'm jinxing myself.) It's true that we've had our days of acting out - a few the first week, a few more randomly spread out over the rest of the month. Yes, there are moments when E cries because his daddy isn't there to help him with his pajamas, and if you think that a 22 month old wouldn't notice his daddy is away, think again. But with as much as they miss him, they are surviving, and these are some of the things that help them get through the everyday.


1. Daddy Dolls. When we first found out about the deployment, several people suggested I buy Daddy Dolls for the boys. I was a little skeptical because they have never been into stuffed animals - a classic case of "If it doesn't have wheels, I'm not interested." Still, the reviews were great, and I liked that Hubby could record a message on them, so I bought them anyway.

Yep, that hair is for real!

I am so glad I did. The first few days W walked around with that thing non-stop, giving it hugs and asking for "hep" to press the button so he could hear his daddy say, "Hi, W! I just wanted you to know I love you very much!" Now it's something he only gets out to hug occasionally, but the days he needs it, he really needs it. E has slept with his "Daddy Pillow" since day 1, and sometimes after I put him to bed, I hear a soft, "I love you too, Daddy," in response to his recorded message. ::Heart melting::

2. Recorded Books. I spent a couple evenings recording my husband read several of the boys' favorite books on our Flip video camera before he left. Every night they each pick a couple stories and we watch them on the computer or the TV (I plug the Flip camera into our DVD player). The USO sponsors a wonderful program called, United Through Reading, that we didn't know about before making all those videos (which I do not regret!), and we've used it supplement our collection of Daddy Stories. In essence, the program allows the deployed parent to video themselves reading a book to their children, and then sends both the DVD and a copy of the book to the children - not just once, but once a week! How awesome is that?! And here I thought the USO just did comedy tours! I cannot explain how much the boys, E especially, love story time with their Daddy.

Maybe this picture will help.

Sometimes E will grab the book and "read" along, sometimes not, but he's always involved in the story. W is a mixed bag when it comes to books, as most toddlers are. If he loves the story, he's calling out the words that go with his favorite parts, but even if he's just wandering around the living room with a car in hand, there is something about seeing and hearing his daddy that is just...relaxing for him. Which brings me to #3.

3. Skype and FaceTime. Remember when Monica on Friends was dating Jon Favreau (the rich guy who decided to do UFC)? Okay, remember the time all the Friends went to his apartment for some errand and he called for a video chat and they all hid and hilarity ensued? Well, I know for a fact that when I saw that, I never believed my future kids and I would be video chatting with my husband, who would be deployed halfway around the world, EVERY DAY. Of course, I never thought I'd be married to someone in the military, but that's another story for another day. The point is: Skype and FaceTime ROCK.

Evidence Example A

The boys love seeing and talking to their daddy. I love seeing and talking to my Hubby. What's funny to me is that the boys also love hearing me talk to him, while they run around and play nearby. Not every deployed service person is able to make that kind of contact every day. It really depends on what kind of job they're doing, and we are very lucky to be able to talk to my husband so often. We've had better luck with picture quality on FaceTime, but I do love that Skype allows us to send each other text messages - both on the computer and on my phone. For us, the magic of Skype and FaceTime is that despite the truth of the matter, it makes it seem as though he's not so far away.

I would love to hear what other things your family does to survive that separation during deployments, TDYs, or business trips, to make it go a little smoother for your kids, and bring the parent who is away, a little closer to home.